"Simpre deseé que mi ordenador fuera tan fácil de usar como mi teléfono. A estas alturas mi deseo ya se ha hecho realidad: ¡no tengo ni idea de cómo usar mi teléfono!"

-- Bjarne Stroustrup, inventor del lenguaje C++


perl -p -i -e 's/\r//' <filename>

The postmaster always pings twice.

Unix _IS_ user friendly... It's just selective about who its friends are.

Nos podemos imaginar cuanto camino nos queda por recorrer viendo
que el lenguaje de los superordenadores sigue siendo FORTRAN.
								-Steven Feiner

Default Server:  ns.mci.net
Address:  204.70.128.1
 
 > set q=ptr
 > xxx.xxx.51.230
 Server:  ns.mci.net
 Address:  204.70.128.1
  
  Non-authoritative answer:
  230.51.xxx.xxx.in-addr.arpa     name = big_bozo.real_dickhead.ignore_totally.xxxx.com

--
excessive collisions & not enough packet ambulances

____
http://www.tcp.co.uk/staff/simes/non-tcp/tao.html
The Tao Of Programming Translated By Geoffrey James
2.4

A novice asked the Master: "Here is a programmer that never designs,
documents, or tests his programs. Yet all who know him consider him one
of the best programmers in the world. Why is this?"

The Master replies: "That programmer has mastered the Tao. He has gone
beyond the need for design; he does not become angry when the system
crashes, but accepts the universe without concern. He has gone beyond
the need for documentation; he no longer cares if anyone else sees his
code. He has gone beyond the need for testing; each of his programs are
perfect within themselves, serene and elegant, their purpose
self-evident. Truly, he has entered the mystery of the Tao."

3.2

There once was a master programmer who wrote unstructured programs. A
novice programmer, seeking to imitate him, also began to write
unstructured programs. When the novice asked the master to evaluate his
progress, the master criticized him for writing unstructured programs,
saying: "What is appropriate for the master is not appropriate for the
novice. You must understand the Tao before transcending structure."


__
If you have any questions or comments please feel free to keep them to
yourself. If you feel the need for more information, I highly recommend
that you ask someone else.
___
Sorry, thought over. Normal service is now resumed.
"No sir, it's not our software, I think it's more related to the fact that
you're an incompetent moron who should go back to reading Isaac Asimov books
and leave things you don't understand well alone."
-
Slowlaris
:


                  |    XXXXX     At Intel, Quality is job .99998765432
Kyle Hearn        |   X    xxx
                  |  x        x  I am Pentium <tm> of Borg. You will
                  |  x doesnt  x be approximated.
kyle@intex.net    |  x divide  x
                  |   x       x  (36342464.34534/34524.563)/36342464.34534
                  |    x     x   Bang! Intel Outside!
                  |     xxxxx
 
 __
 Is a zebra a black animal with white stripes, or a white animal with
 black stripes?  Neither one . . . it's an invisible animal with black
 and white stripes so you can see it.
 Jerry Colonna

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.  "Hasan B. Mutlu" in flames
on rec.food.cooking.  I watched Time turning to Mass in the dark near the
McElwaine Gate.  All these moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to log out.

=
"Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women?" 
							   Virginia Woolf

> >c| Blade Runner ("I have seen things you lusers would not believe...").
>
> "... I've seen Sun monitors on fire off the side of the multimedia lab.
>  I've seen NTU lights glitter in the dark near the Mail Gate.
>  All these things will be lost in time, like the root partition last week.
>  Time to die...".

In article <stg2d1cl2d.fsf@ssv4.dina.kvl.dk>,
Lars P. Fischer <fischer@dina.kvl.dk> wrote:
>
>>>>>> "Hillary" == Hillary Gorman <hillary@netaxs.com>
>
>Hillary> Unix for Dummies
>Hillary> Unix for Autistics
>Hillary> Unix for Weekend Computer Geeks
>Hillary> Unix for People Who Shouldn't be Using Unix
>Hillary> Unix for Complete Fucking Morons
>
>And, for the rest of us,
>
>  Fucking for Complete Unix Geeks

That would be something like

who | grep -i blonde | head

Lusty


        A las mujeres les gustan los hombres callados porque se
				crees que las estan escuchando.
								-Marcel Archard


 A James Lewis /      ._______________________. Email: lewiar
\             / /     |    /                  | @sx.ac.uk
 \\\' ,      / //     |   /   .  _            | Voice: 01206 845564
  \\\//,   _/ //      |  /___ | ( | (_| ><    | Data:  0181 325~xxxx
   \_-//' /  //<,     |users can count to 1023| Fax:   0181 325~xxxx
     \ ///  <//`      |   on their fingers!   | Come find my Linux Box!
      /  >>  \\\`__/_ |_______________________|_______________________.
     /,)-^>> _\` \\\  |"Those who do not understand Unix are condemned|
     (/   \\ //\\     |   to reinvent it, poorly.  -- Henry Spencer   |
         // _//\\\\   |     Microsoft Windows is a prime example!     |
  ._____((`_((________|_______________________________________________|

" (_2B || !_2B ) -> the_Question." [++Bill_Shakespeare];

"vi vi vi: editor of the beast" -- bumper sticker

There is a reason why it is called EMACS -
Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping

2.Goines refers to Cole as Arnold Pettybone at one point. 

Well, a Web search on the name Arnold Pettybone turned up nothing, and
neither did my (admitedly weak) CDROM encyclopedia. 

---
Patrick Oonk                |                                      _____
KAFKA@DESERT.HACKTIC.NL     |           Use the source, Luke !     |\ /|
Finger kafka@hacktic.nl     |                                      | O |
for PGP public key          |                                      |/_\|
PAGER: 06-58358511/2/3/4    |
======== Join the Digital City, telnet dds.hacktic.nl, login 'gast' ==========

**************************************************
*                                                *
*If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.*
*                                                *
**************************************************

--
You've seen one nuclear holocaust, you've seen them all.  -- XTC


What do Unix sysadmins do when they're horny?
Mount a filesystem.

I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.

Don't document the program; program the document.

/* Geoff Baskwill (geoff@cs.ualberta.ca)                        "STU!!!"
 */ main() {int i=0;while(putchar("Gfqij%Hh{t\x81txy\x18\x0f"[i]-i++));}


/d{def}def/a{add}d/s{sub}d/u{usertime}d % Alun Jones, IBS, UW Aberystwyth
/x 0 d/y 0 d 9 9 scale 35 47 translate/b u d .1 setlinewidth{u b s 6e4 gt
{exit}if/x x 4 a d/v 1 x s d/x y 2 x mul 3 s abs sqrt x 0 lt{neg}if a d/y
v d x y moveto .1 0 rlineto stroke}loop showpage% You may need %!PS-Adobe

---------------------------------------------------------------
Michael Schroeder     mlschroe@immd4.informatik.uni-erlangen.de
main(_){while(_=~getchar())putchar(~_-1/(~(_|32)/13*2-11)*13);}

export TILDE='~'
PS1=$USER@$(hostname):'${TILDE[(1-0${PWD%%@([!/]*|$HOME*)}1)]:-}${PWD#$HOME}$ '

WebMaster's tunnel nightmare: "The light at the end of the tunnel is an
oncoming train."


char *p="char *p=%c%s%c;main(){printf(p,34,p,34);}";main(){printf(p,34,p,34);}

==================================================================
People who think they know everything are very irritating to those
of us who do.  ---Anonymous


>  Q:  Why does the mathematician always mistake Halloween and Christmas?
>  A:  Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

Question:  Where do you want to go today?
Answer:  Not very far.  SMB is not routed.

"If C gives you enough rope to hang yourself, C++ gives you
enough rope to bind and gag the neighborhood, rig the sails
on a small ship, and still have enough rope to hang your-
self from the yardarm. - The UNIX-Hater's Handbook

Winslow NiceTry


"The old adage is "If you make a program such that even an idiot can use
it, then only an idiot will use it."


   "Smoking kills, and if you're killed, you've lost a very important 
   part of your life."- anti-smoking advocate Brooke Shields

"Two wrongs won't make a right, but three lefts will do..."
                        * - *
A veces me siento a pensar... A veces nomás me siento...


The software on the box said "Needs Windows95 or better"
So I bought another Macintosh !


vu Najefuke

Bill Yohman - "What kind of guru are you, anyway? -Frank Zappa"

wyohman@airmail.net             http://web2.airmail.net/wyohman/


#!/usr/local/bin/perl -- - ### Betty Lee ### All standard disclaimers apply. ;
s>^>9d11<5d.28-.o8d16<3d/14d)o7d7<d< 8<2d/13d)od6-*-4=3<5d8< /12d)o7d3< B2d/>;
s>$>3d5</10d)o7d<d^2d/ ^3d3</8d)o9d|d|d|4d/7d)o9dqa|d/4d/6d)o9drgicuwuBngncp>;
s;$;f.uvcphqtf.gfwo;;y;A-w;?-u;;s;m;\n;g;;s;(\d+)(.);$2x$1;eg;;s;b;  ;g;print;

-- 
Scott Spetalnik    | UNIX can be fun ...
srs@aol.net        | view;touch;unzip;finger;mount;yes;yes;yes;umount;sleep

--
Paul Phillips      | why would you want to own /dev/null?  "ooo!  ooo!  look!
Mordant Surfer     | i stole nothing!  i'm the thief of nihilism!  i'm the new
<paulp@go2net.com> | god of zen monks."
+1 206 447 1595    |   -- Kevin Lyda, alt.sysadmin.recovery

--
open(G,"|gzip -dc");$_=<<EOF;s/[0-9a-f]+/print G pack("h*",$&)/eg
f1b88000b620f22320303fa2d2e21584ccbcf29c84d2258084
d2ac158c84c4ece4d22d1000118a8d5491000000
EOF

--
P.S.  If you look up Windows 95 in a dictionary, this is what it says....

Windows 95: n.
 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an
 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor,
 written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

David : El punk no ha muerto, es que huele así. (de Los Berracos)


#!/bin/sh

# Set up the proper conditions and execute by n-computational stack
# underflow (tested on SunOS 4.x, Linux, Irix, Solaris)
/bin/echo "\0107\0145\0164\040\0141\040\0154\0151\0146\0145\054\040\0171\
\0157\0165\040\0146\0163\0143\0153\0151\0156\0147\040\0114\0125\0123\0105\
\0122\041"
exit

In the name of the father, the son, the holy ghost,
who eats the quickest eats the most.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .
Andrew McNaughton         |       I tried to make it idiot proof,
Andrew@squiz.co.nz        |       but they just developed a
http://www.squiz.co.nz    |       better idiot
http://www.newsroom.co.nz
.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .   .

-- 
Ken Thompson  GTRI, Ga. Tech, Atlanta Ga. 30332 Internet:!kt4@prism.gatech.edu
uucp:...!{allegra,amd,hplabs,ut-ngp}!gatech!prism!kt4
"Rowe's Rule: The odds are five to six that the light at the end of the
tunnel is the headlight of an oncoming train."       -- Paul Dickson


--=[ Andrew

earth:~# shutdown --apocalypse 5 `/bin/cat ~/apocalype.msg`

Broadcast message from god (console) Wed May 16 13:45:22 2000...

Earth is shutting down in 5 minutes for a system upgrade.  All users please
log out or transfer to heaven.god.net or hell.god.net.  Thank you.




csh is like a tricycle with training wheels that has lost one of its main
wheels.
Walter Roberson


*---------------------------------------------*
 Jerome Girard      j.girard@lautre-conseil.com
*---------------------------------------------*
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it moves, it's biology...
If it does not work, It's computer science.
*---------------------------------------------*



-- 
#!perl -wlpifinger.liv.ac.uk    # If it doesn't work see doio.c line ~256
BEGIN{use Socket;$_='YIN;sockefPZSOCK_STREAM,~proto"tcp"and$|=connecfpack"
Sna4x8",AZ79,$;=~host$^Ior die$!;print"/w nickc\r"YOUT;print"[$^I]"';s/f/t
STDIN,/g;s/Y/;select STD/g;s/Z/F_INET,/g;s/~(\w*)/get$1byname/g;eval||die}

#!/bin/perl -sp0777i<X+d*lMLa^*lN%0]dsXx++lMlN/dsM0<j]dsj
$/=unpack('H*',$_);$_=`echo 16dio\U$k"SK$/SM$n\EsN0p[lN*1
lK[d2%Sa2/d0$^Ixp"|dc`;s/\W//g;$_=pack('H*',/((..)*)$/)

For usage details see http://dcs.ex.ac.uk/~aba/rsa/

						(Another BEEP for good measure!)        

PS: stupid ksh trick:
let FC=0
echo ZZ | fc -e "${VISUAL:-${EDITOR:-vi}}" $FC
let FC=`fc -l | tail -1 | cut -f 1`-1
echo ZZ | fc -e "${VISUAL:-${EDITOR:-vi}}" $FC

--
Daniel Stenberg - http://www.fts.frontec.se/~dast
ech`echo "xiun"|tr nu oc|sed 'sx\([sx]\)\([xoi]\)xo un\2\1 is xg'`ol

--
...Software is like sex. It's better when it's free...

The fundamental difference between Unix and the Macintosh operating system
is that Unix was designed to please programmers, whereas the Mac was
designed to please users.  (Windows, on the other hand, was designed to
please accountants, but that's another story.)
                                                (Page 164)

Consistent mediocrity, delivered on a large scale, is much more profitable
than anything on a small scale, no matter how efficient it might be.

                                                (Page 176)

Taken from "The Unix-Haters Handbook."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Never before in the history of the world has such a non-innovative company
made so much money by doing so little for so many people.  I am, of course,
talking about the Microsoft Corporation ...
                                                Personal Observation :-)

--
TODO:
1) learn how to use my new Unix account.
2) learn how to change this list.

EGGS:
	apanel -spinaltap
	xjack(1)
	*GeekMode app-defaults setting for the FileManager

UNIX System Administrator
For a resume: http://undertow.csh.rit.edu/root/resume.html
For PGP key: finger phiber@undertow.csh.rit.edu
Your mouse has moved.  Please wait while Windows restarts for the change
to take effect.

"Si el agua destruye puentes y caminos,
qué no hará con nuestros pobres intestinos.
Bebámosla pues en lo que Dios la convirtió: en VINO"

"Information is not knowledge; Knowledge is not wisdom; Wisdom is not
  truth; Truth is not beauty; Beauty is not love; Love is not music;
  Music is THE BEST. . ."
                                                       -- Frank Zappa

| >Try nslookup 0230.0243.0322.014. It points to www06a.web.aol.com. Or
| >http://0230.0243.0322.014.
|
| >Hehehehe.... it a resolver thingy..... not particular a Solaris 2.6
| >thing..... The 0 in the front make the resolver treat the number as
| >octal.....
|
| I always liked:
|
|       telnet 2130706433


I can troubleshoot both. And even Microsoft's 900 line bears me out when
I say that 90% of windows support involves the 5 Rs:

	Restart         the program.
	Reboot          the system.
	Reinstall       the application.
	Reload          the operating system.
	Reinitialize    the disk.

--
$jhi++; # http://www.iki.fi/~jhi/
        # There is this special biologist word we use for 'stable'.
        # It is 'dead'. -- Jack Cohen

Two computer people discussing those old stories about Bill Gates' name
adding up to 666 in ASCII:

"I hear that if you play the NT 4.0 CD backwards, you get a Satanic message!"
"That's nothing. If you play it forward, it installs NT 4.0!"

--
Charles Brown                    \\ Phone: (217) 333-1728
Unix Systems Administrator       \\ Email: cr-brown@scs.uiuc.edu
"One World. One Web. One Program."  -Microsoft promotional advertisement
"Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Fuhrer!"  -Adolf Hitler


--
If you think C++ is not overly complicated, just what is a protected
abstract virtual base pure virtual private destructor, and when
was the last time you needed one?
                -- Tom Cargil, C++ Journal.

x(_,s,c)char *s;{return _&1?*s?*s-c?x(_,++s,c):7[s]:0:_&2?
x(--_,"!/*,xq-ih9]v$=ye&S usr\nm@ps1n%ag.8fNdzy",c):_&4?*s?
x(_,s+1,putchar(x(_-2,"^&%!*)",*s))):0:0;}main(){return
x(4,"]xhrvnh$/m$ueuxhrS1$aaip !r@p%heuxhrS !r@p%he",5);}


145 = 1! + 4! + 5! 

--
The Pentium II's design was determined by three major factors:
Backward compatibility, backward compatibility and backward compatibility.
    - A.S. Tanenbaum, 'Structured Computer Organization', 4th Edition

--
"Actually EMACS is a Unix error code - editor too large"
                                  Andy Newman, comp.unix.bsd.freebsd.misc

--
  There are three kinds of people: those who can count
    and those who can't.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

"So if you're going to be a rebel, it's not about what you wear or what
you sing or say.  It's not about singing something like "Smack My Bitch
Up" and thinking that you're cutting edge.  All that does is sell a
little and get you banned out of K-Mart. That's easy and very boring.
If you want to be cutting edge, go to Abortion clinics and write songs
that have to do with young girls getting abortions with twenty shotguns
pointed at their heads by the Christian hypocrites!  Go be really
cutting edge, instead of talking about how you want to beat up your girl
friend and you don't even have the balls to do it." -Tori Amos

>Real programmers don't write in C++ because they don't want *all* their
>friends accessing their private parts.

   (                                                              ______
   ))   .--- "There's always time for a good cup of coffee" ---.   >===<--.
 C|~~| (>--- Jay D. Dyson - jdyson@techreports.jpl.nasa.gov ---<) |   = |-'
  `--'  `- Superman had Kryptonite, I have NT.  Life is real. -'  `-----'

#############################################################################
# 'When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare #
#  at you blankly and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*".'  #
#                                       Linus Torvalds                      #
############# This .signature is written in 100% recycled bytes #############

Y2K conversion simplified: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June,
Julk, August, September, October, November, December.

It took the computing power of three Commodore 64 computers to fly to the moon.
It takes a 486 66MHZ computer to run Windows 95. Anything wrong?

--
The good thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.
        -- Andrew S. Tanenbaum

--
Samuel Hocevar <sam@via.ecp.fr> - http://www.via.ecp.fr/~sam/
echo "what is the universe"|tr "a-z " 0-7-0-729|sed 's/9.//g;s/-/+/'|bc

----
"How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man?"
"Eight!"
"That was a rhetorical question!"
"Oh..then, seven!" -- Homer Simpson


--
#!/bin/ksh
Z='21N16I25C25E30, 40M30E33E25T15U!' ;IFS=' ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ ';set $Z ;for i { [[ $i = ? ]]&&print $i&&break;[[ $i = ??? ]]&&j=$i&&i=${i%?};typeset -i40 i=8#$i;print -n ${i#???};[[ "$j" = ??? ]]&&print -n "${j#??} "&&j=;typeset +i i;};IFS=' 0123456789 ';set $Z;X=;for i { [[ $i = , ]]&&i=2;[[ $i = ?? ]]||typeset -l i;X="$X $i";typeset +l i;};print "$X"

--
.-----.
|[_] :| Stephen S. Edwards II | NetBSD:  Free of hype and license.
| =  :| "Artificial Intelligence -- The engineering of systems that
|     |  yield results such as, 'The answer is 6.7E23... I think.'"
|_..._| rakmount@primenet.com | http://www.primenet.com/~rakmount

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is
not the reason we are doing it -- Richard Feynman


$$$
$$$                                |||
$$$                                \|/  ;_;
$$$ What does a process need        |   /"\
$$$ to become a daemon ?            |   \v/
$$$                                 |    | 
$$$ - a fork                        o---/!\---
$$$                                 |   |_|
$$$                                 |  _/ \_
--
"I sense much NT in you.  NT leads to Blue Screen.  Blue Screen
 leads to downtime.  Downtime leads to suffering.  NT is the path
 to the darkside."              -- Unknown UNIX Jedi
---------------------------------------------------------------
Bryan 'SMASH' Manternach - ECS/TREX Systems Administration Team
SGI, 1200 Crittenden Lane, MS 30-4-175, Mountain View, CA 94043
E-mail: mailto:smash@sgi.com              Office: (650)933-6856
 Pager: mailto:smash_p@pager.sgi.com      Mobile: (408)209-3099


"... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their
C programs". Robert Firth

--
Chris Jones                             My pid is Inigo Montoya.  You kill -9
ASDC Senior System Administrator        my parent process.  Prepare to vi.

--
% chmod a+x /bin/laden

: USER, n.:
:         The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."
:                 -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top"

> Everyone who comes in here wants three things:
>          (1) They want it quick.
>          (2) They want it good.
>          (3) They want it cheap.
> I tell 'em to pick two and call me back.
>                  -- sign on the back wall of a small printing company
> 

http://ira.abramov.org/email/ This post is encrypted twice with ROT-13.
Documenting or attempting to crack this encryption is illegal.


"Autobiografía de un jamón: Yo era un cerdo pero me curé. "


SEE ALSO                              ksh88$ let FC=0
<http://webdiis.unizar.es/~spd/>      ksh88$ fc -e "ex -c wq" $FC
<http://persephone.cps.unizar.es>     ksh88$ let FC=`fc -l|tail -1|cut -f 1`-1
<ftp://ivo.cps.unizar.es/pub/>        ksh88$ fc -e "ex -c wq" $FC


The three principal virtues
of a programmer are Laziness,
Impatience, and Hubris.
(Larry Wall, perl(1))  


<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like
saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders